I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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