im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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