So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
