We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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