1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize