she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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