You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
