I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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