rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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