Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
