I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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