I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
