I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
