Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
