Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
