he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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