Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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