do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Floor bacon is actually really good
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
