hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
