we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
