I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize