ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
