# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
