i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
