Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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