she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
