I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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