i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
