just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
