last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
