Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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