why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
