I'm so fucking centered right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
