I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
