John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
