The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
