he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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