I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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