This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize