Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
