When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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