his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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