It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
