Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
