Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
a search helicopter?!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
