wanna go halves on a baby?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
