If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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