He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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