I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I believe in your delicious
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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