There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
