She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
