so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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