My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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