Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
