Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
