Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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