I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
