I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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