His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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