remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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