Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
