I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
