Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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