I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
