yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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